Memolines ~ Rolling with a toddler’s ever-changing mind

I’ve come to realize that toddlers are incredibly spontaneous in what they say. You can’t treat their words like a binding contract. Kids’ thoughts change constantly, and parents need to stay flexible

On our daily route to and from daycare, we pass by a plaza with a small road behind it that has three speed bumps. When we drive over them, the car goes “bump, bump, bump,” which we playfully call “bump bump.”

For a while, we took the bump bump route almost every single time. Later, when traffic lights didn’t line up right or other situations came up, I’d tell her, “Sweetie, we can’t do bump bump today. Let’s try again next time.” Most of the time, she would be pretty okay with it.

But you know how toddlers are – sometimes when she’s cranky or really has her heart set on something, she’ll start pushing back. Even after initially agreeing not to take bump bump, right when we’re about to miss the turn, she’ll suddenly announce, “I want bump bump!” When this happens, I’ll say, “We can’t do it this time, so Mama will just pick a route.” Then we’ll drive past the plaza, and I’ll narrate our journey: “There’s the big grocery store, there’s the bakery, there’s the cake shop, there’s the clothing store, there’s the pharmacy.” She joins in with her sweet little voice, which is absolutely adorable.

Of course, We can’t always find a substitute activity. Sometimes we just have to say no. For instance, when she’s in the backseat demanding “Daddy look at me,” he’ll respond, “Daddy’s driving right now and needs to keep my hands on the steering wheel. I can’t look at you until we stop the car.” Sometimes she gets upset, but there’s nothing we can do – it has to wait until we’re safely stopped.

Food is the same story. When she really wants something, she’ll repeat it over and over. Like right before dinner, she might desperately want a pouch of apple sauce, and we’ll remind her of our established rule: “Mommy and Daddy said snacks come after meals. Apple sauce is a snack, so we eat it after dinner.” Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn’t – she’ll puff out her little cheeks and keep saying “apple sauce,” and she might even have a complete meltdown. That’s when we need to let her sit with her feelings for a bit.

What’s funny is that sometimes she’ll talk to herself: “Eat dinner first, then snacks.” She’ll repeat this to herself multiple times, but even after saying it, she’ll still want snacks before dinner. That’s just how it is – she’s little and doesn’t have much self-control yet. Honestly, don’t adults sometimes want to grab a little something before meals too?

Through all these daily moments, I’ve come to realize that toddlers are incredibly spontaneous in what they say. You can’t treat their words like a binding contract. Kids’ thoughts change constantly, and parents need to stay flexible. When I think about it, do adults always follow through on everything they say? Of course not. We find this perfectly normal when it comes to ourselves – we can rationalize our changes of heart. But little kids can’t clearly explain their reasoning yet, so it’s hard for us to understand what’s going on in their minds. They probably don’t have a clear reason – something just pops into their head.

So don’t expect little ones to automatically do what they hear or stick with every idea they have. If we actually demanded “you just said this, so you absolutely have to follow through,” that would be way too much pressure for them. Cut ourselves some slack, cut our kid some slack, and we will discover lots of interesting things along the way. Watching her grow day by day while we learn to become better parents – there’s something really beautiful about growing together like this.