Memolines ~ Observing how a little one develops problem-solving skills

How parents act makes a big difference in how children grow. When we see children as capable and let them solve problems, they slowly become more independent.

I recently witnessed a fascinating moment.

One day after breakfast, while my toddler was playing with her toy cars, I started organizing the dishwasher and asked her to help put away the dishes. She ran over happily to help.

I handed her the stack of four plastic bowls, and she opened their drawer where bowls and plates are organized. These bowls usually go on top of the small plates.

"Take one by one, or drop," she said, and began placing the stack of bowls on the small plates. When I asked her to put away the plates from the dishwasher, she found a problem: the bowls she had just placed were sitting on top of the plates already in the drawer.

Since the plates needed to go under the bowls, I watched her think about this puzzle. After a few seconds, she found a solution - moving the bowls to a nearby chair while saying "one by one." With the bowls safely on the chair, she put all the plates in the drawer. Then she picked up the bowls from the chair, still saying "one by one," and put them back on top of the plates. Once done, she closed the drawer and ran off to play.

What amazed me was that I had only told her where things belonged in the drawer, waiting to see if she would ask for help when stuck. Instead, she came up with her own solution: move the bowls to the chair, stack all the plates, then put the bowls back. This simple step-by-step plan formed naturally in her young mind.

If I had jumped in right away to tell her how to handle the bowls and plates, this moment of solving a problem on her own would have been lost.

We've learned that stepping back to watch our toddler handle challenges often shows us what she can do. While some problems need adult help, many are chances for learning. We're training ourselves not to jump in right away, instead asking, "Do you need help?" Sometimes she says yes, sometimes no - we will let her continue. Both answers are fine.

How parents act makes a big difference in how children grow. When we see children as capable and let them solve problems, they slowly become more independent. But if parents solve every problem, children don't learn these skills as well and depend more on others. When these children are older and expected to do things on their own, they struggle - not because they can't learn, but because they haven't had enough practice.

We want our child to grow up independent, so we guide her toward this goal through small moments like these every day.