A conversation with ChatGPT on parenting and personal growth as a parent
That's a wrap for 2023.
2023 is coming to an end. This year has been very special for us – leveling up together with our baby as we walked through the first 365 days of her life.
It has also been a year of AI explosion, with information about AI models, applications, and tools everywhere. Earlier this year, I collaborated with ChatGPT-3.5 to make a simple web-based game. This time, I decided to have a conversation with ChatGPT-4 as the host, to reflect on parenting and self-growth as a parent.
The following text is the transcript of our conversation. Since I used speech-to-text, there are some inaccuracies and redundancies. I used customized GPTs to polish the text. The conversation was originally in Chinese and translated into English by Claude.ai.
If you are interested in my experience with ChatGPT and custom GPTs, please see the end of the article.
Conversation with ChatGPT: parenting and personal growth
Me (instruction to ChatGPT): Let's role-play a game. In this game, you will be the host, like a podcast host, asking me questions as a first-time parent about parenting our baby this past year. Imagine we are sitting next to a warm fireplace, chatting quietly. Imagine you are my good friend and we are having a question-and-answer session. I will later incorporate this dialogue into my year-end review. Here is a brief overview of what I have written so far (content omitted). I'm not very satisfied with it so far, so I'm really looking forward to our conversation.
ChatGPT: Thank you so much for sharing these precious experiences. Let's begin our conversation, just like two good friends casually chatting by a warm fireplace. In this past year, as a first-time parent, what has been your biggest takeaway?
Me: As a first-time parent, my biggest takeaway is that it's actually a brand new, challenging experience. I think raising a child is not just about taking care of them, but more like a process of self-discovery and growth, especially for us. Because we have never reflected so deeply on our own growth process like we do now. It's like re-experiencing childhood from an entirely new perspective, from which we can learn a lot. We have learned many parenting methods, and discovered that these methods are different for parents at different stages. Some methods may be effective for older generations, but may not necessarily apply to us. This requires us to keep an open mind and try some new parenting approaches.
ChatGPT: That is truly a profound realization. By accompanying your child as she grows, you not only learn how to be good parents, but also get to re-experience childhood—how amazing! So during this process, what specific challenges have you encountered? Especially regarding parenting methods, how do you strike a balance between tradition and modernity?
Me: I feel one of the biggest challenges so far is around self-feeding for the baby. In my upbringing, it was typical for parents to hand-feed kids, and the spoon-feeding process tended to last a couple of years. After our baby was born, I read some materials and books, and tried to let her try feeding herself, for example trying foods like cucumber around 6 months old, crushing food with her gums. Now our baby is very interested in food and feeds herself well. This process made me realize it’s very important to stimulate their interest and try new methods.
Another challenge is when the baby gets sick. As parents, we naturally feel anxious. But at times like these, it’s crucial to keep calm and observe the baby’s symptoms. This requires us to have some knowledge base, for example, knowing when a fever means going to the hospital, or how to deal with minor issues like spotting a little blood in her stool. This demands us to keep learning in order to properly handle these situations.
ChatGPT: Indeed, the challenges encountered in parenting often come with new learning opportunities. You mentioned self-feeding and managing anxiety when sick—in both aspects, having adequate knowledge and composure as a parent is crucial. Among these challenges, what resources or tools have been most helpful to you? Are they books, online resources, or communicating with other parents?
Me: Both online resources and books have been tremendously helpful for me. I often browse other parents' sharing of experiences online, but I don't solely rely on the information from one post, just like browsing forums in the past - I read differing opinions and experiences from multiple sources. Some authoritative books are also very useful, but I find that when encountering specific situations, checking what others have gone through can actually be very effective. Of course if I could easily access experts' advice, like doctors' recommendations, that would be even better. But this is not always feasible, so I'm very grateful to those sharing their experiences online.
ChatGPT: It's great that you're leveraging both online resources and books to gain knowledge, while also incorporating real-life experiences from other parents. This is very important for modern parents. In your parenting journey, have there been any particular moments or anecdotes you'd especially like to share with us? For example, some of baby's "firsts," or special family activities?
Me: I feel our baby is still very young, just in the initial stages of toddlerhood, so there are still many things to learn. For now, what has moved me the most is the first time seeing our baby able to grab a cucumber stick herself and put it in her mouth. It made me realize the baby really has a desire for self-feeding, rather than relying entirely on being fed by parents. This is quite different from my previous understanding.
As the baby gradually grows up, I've noticed she starts having more demands, throwing tantrums inexplicably sometimes. Her crying can be annoying at times, but I try to understand it from her perspective - she's still so little and unclear about some things herself. The baby's demands are quite simple, like wanting to be hugged. At moments like these, I sometimes hesitate, not knowing what the best response is. But I feel it’s important to observe her reactions, figure out her personality, and then find the coping method most suitable for us. I think this point is especially important.
ChatGPT: Managing the baby's emotional fluctuations and demands does sound like an ongoing learning process. Each baby is unique, so finding what works best for one's own child is very important. In this process, have there been any particular traits or behaviors of the baby that have surprised or especially touched you?
Me: Once during a trip, I noticed our baby really liked grabbing the trash bag from the bin in front of our seat, taking it out and throwing it on the floor, then trying to put it back. After we helped put the bag back, we realized the baby seemed to really enjoy taking things out of containers and putting them back in. Like putting leftover snacks back into their original bag. I was very surprised that at such a young age, the baby already has this kind of intention. It made me wonder if she'll enjoy organizing stuff when she grows up. After we guided the baby to put things into bottles, jars and bags, she seemed to start doing these things more independently out of her own interest.
I also found our baby has a strong interest towards tool-like objects, wanting to take initiative to grab things with mechanisms or interactivity. This is probably why young children are so attracted to tablets, phones, remote controls and other items with buttons and features. Observing their interest in these things also got me thinking about how to guide them in using such tools.
AI, and electronic tools will become more and more prevalent in the future. I feel it will also be an interesting topic in education later on. To what extent should children use search engines and AI to find answers before they try to solve the problems by themselves? Should there be some initial thought first before looking things up, or should questioning and tools go hand-in-hand from the very beginning? How can over-reliance make thinking lazy? How can sharp thinking be maintained? These are questions I'm contemplating.
ChatGPT: These observations are indeed very interesting. It seems the baby has demonstrated her explorative spirit and learning capability through her interest in organizing items and tools. You brought up a point worth considering regarding use of AI and electronic devices. As a parent, do you have any specific considerations in guiding the baby on proper use of these modern technologies? For instance, how do you plan to balance the relationship between the baby and these electronic devices?
Me: It's really difficult because our generation of parents face more entertainment devices when raising children compared to our parents' generation. Our parents may not have had a TV or only had limited TV content, so they may have been more focused on taking care of us. Whereas now, we have cellphones, computers and TVs that may distract our attention while caring for our kids. Children can easily be attracted to the sounds and imagery on these devices and start attempting to operate the screens.
I don't want our baby to be attracted too early by short videos or other similar addictive content. I hope she can maintain independence and a certain depth of thinking. As parents, I feel we need to keep some traditional toys and ways of interaction, and fully engage with the children or take them outdoors. That way, the likelihood of them becoming obsessed with electronic devices may be smaller. But when it comes to AI, it may become more personalized and customized, so kids may find it very convenient and natural to use. They may use AI to replace some thought processes.
I believe it's important to nurture their own way of thinking before they utilize these tools; they need to know when to use them and to what extent. Just like gaming, over-indulgence is not just a children's problem, it also affects teenagers and adults. The key is to help children use these tools to improve life rather than become immersed and forget about normal life.
ChatGPT: You've raised a very important point - with the increasing advancement of modern technology, how to properly guide children on using electronic devices and AI tools reasonably, while maintaining a balance between independent thinking and real life. This is indeed a challenge for modern parents, but also an opportunity to educate children on correctly utilizing these technologies. Regarding this, have you come up with concrete strategies or plans, such as setting time limits or introducing some educational apps and games? In addition, you also highlighted the importance of outdoor activities and traditional toys. What roles do you think these activities and toys play in a child's development?
Me: Our baby is still young, so I haven't considered setting gaming limits yet. However this is indeed a topic I need to think about continuously. As for outdoor activities, our baby is still too little to play outside independently. We often bring her to playgrounds where she can climb, exercise her body. Around 7-8 months old our baby just started learning how to crawl, like a little monkey, and she especially liked climbing those simulated stone toys. Activities like these are very good for the baby, getting hands and feet involved physically to engage with, experience and explore different environments.
ChatGPT: Indeed, for young children, outdoor activities are not only a form of physical exercise, but also an opportunity to explore and learn. Through these activities, they can come into contact with different environments, learn new skills, which is very beneficial for their overall development. So as a parent, when you see your baby exploring and trying new things outdoors, what do you feel? And what long-term impacts do you think these experiences have on their growth?
Me: I think this is both a physical challenge for the baby, as well as a reflection of changes in today's society. Nowadays people rely more and more on brainpower. For example, from the first industrial revolution era one to two hundred years ago, people were mainly engaged in manual labor, referred to as "workers". Later the concept of "knowledge workers" emerged, which is interesting. The nature of work transformed from pure physical labor to pure brainpower. My current job also relies more on brainpower without needing much physical strength. But I believe physical strength is also very important. Exercising the body is critical; it's not manual labor that builds physical strength, but rather utilizing both mental and physical capabilities together in order to fully develop one's potential. If you only use brainpower or physical strength, I feel that's not well balanced.
ChatGPT: The perspective you brought up is truly insightful. Although mental labor is becoming increasingly important in today's society, physical activities and sports remain crucial for one's overall development. Providing children a balanced growth environment where they can exercise both their minds and bodies is very important. So as a father, how do you plan to guide and encourage your baby to develop in both these aspects?
Me: Actually I'm the mother. Of course my child also has an amazing father. But at the moment I don't have any detailed plans, or rather no plans at all. I'm just learning along as the child grows, guiding as much as I can. I hope our baby can maintain an ongoing interest and participation in the real world. This means I want to expose her to more different things, across fields like science, history, geography, various sports and mental activities, to see what she's interested in.
However, some things may not seem so interesting, or even boring or difficult in the beginning. If you persist for a period of time, you may discover enjoyment. Some things you may miss out on if you don't persevere, while other things you may find you have no talent for even if you do persist, and feel anguished instead. It's very rare to find something you're both interested in and good at, but if you do find it, you may enjoy it even more. So I think it's an ongoing process of exploration.
As parents we should observe the child - their interest or reasons for ceasing participation in new activities. It could be a passing interest, or there may be other reasons. We need to understand the internal and external factors behind the child's continuation or halt of activities. I believe each child is different; as parents we need to keep exploring and observing our own children.
ChatGPT: Thank you for candidly sharing your perspective and insights as a mother. You emphasized the importance for parents to observe and understand their children, especially when they are selecting interests and activities. Such attentive observation and comprehension of a child's individuality is critical in helping them find areas they are truly interested in and skilled at. In this process, what do you think is the most important role parents should play? Is it being a guide, supporter, or some other more suitable definition?
Me: I'm aware of some categorizations of parenting roles. There's the authoritative parent, the authoritarian parent, and the permissive parent. I tend to lean more towards the authoritative parent, which means there are rules and authority, not just "whatever I say goes", which is more authoritarian.
What I want is to respect the child, while giving them enough space to develop on their own. I hope to nurture a resilient and courageous child, encouraging them to try new things, rather than doing everything for them. Because I believe handling everything for the child will make them afraid to take risks, or shrink back out of fear of making mistakes. I want our baby to be a child who dares to try. Family relations are most important; I hope we can maintain candid and intimate family ties, while respecting the baby's independence.
When the baby is still young, we naturally need to provide guidance, but as they grow, we should gradually nurture their ability to make decisions on their own. We should not over-assist due to fear of their mistakes, difficulties or failures, even obstructing them.
I believe only through personal experience can one truly understand the feeling of failure and success, and find motivation within. These are things we cannot accomplish for the baby. We can provide advice, but the final decisions should be theirs to make. Our goal is to guide them to become people who can make decisions independently and tackle problems with confidence.
ChatGPT: I fully agree with your perspective. As an authoritative parent, you can provide necessary guidance and support for children, while also giving them enough space to explore and grow. Striking this balance is crucial for children’s self-development and cultivation of independence.
You mentioned nurturing children who dare to try new things and can make decisions independently – this will have profound impacts on their lives going forward. You also emphasized the importance of candid and intimate family relations while respecting children’s independence. These are all important factors in building a healthy family environment. In such an environment, children can learn how to take on challenges, handle failures and successes, as well as find their intrinsic motivation.
I'd like to ask you my final question: In your opinion, as a mother, what is the one thing you most hope to impart to your children? Is it specific skills, an attitude towards life, or something else?
Me: I feel every child is unique, I can't impart specific skills to them. I can provide good life conditions, but I also hope they know these are what we worked hard to attain. So I tend to want to impart an attitude towards life – help them find their intrinsic motivation to pursue a lifestyle that makes them feel happy.
The definition of happiness varies for each person. If their perception of happiness differs from ours, I believe we should also respect that. In short, I hope they can work towards a life they consider happy. Happiness may mean finding your intrinsic drive, living a stable life, pursuing your career, or having a big family.
As parents, we want our children to have their own thoughts and opinions that they can articulate to us with reason and justification – this is very important. We should also respect their perspectives. I want them to take charge of their own lives and have a sense of control over it.
ChatGPT: This is a profoundly thoughtful and wise wish. As a mother, you hope to nurture your children's inner drive so they can pursue happiness as they define it for themselves, and have their own ideas and perspectives. This demonstrates not only your deep care for your children, but also respect for their individuality and independence. By encouraging children to explore their own interests and passions, as well as developing their ability to articulate their own views logically, you are helping them build the important foundations to become confident, independent and responsible adults.
Thank you so much for sharing these profound insights and personal experiences today. This conversation allowed me to gain a deeper understanding not only of your thoughts and strategies as a mother, but also provided me with new perspectives on parenting philosophies. I hope you and your family will have happiness and joy going forward.
Brief summary of my ChatGPT experience
ChatGPT has become a part of my daily work and life. My feeling this time having a conversation is similar to when I made a simple web-based game previously - I still find it magical. When communicating with ChatGPT, I treat it as a real partner that exists and is conversing with me, rather than imagining it as a robot. This way, I can use more accurate and natural language to describe my needs and thoughts.
In this conversation, ChatGPT perfectly portrayed the role of a host – before each question, it would respond to my answer, ask follow-up questions around certain aspects, and also use encouragement techniques like “Yes, and” to get me to share more thoughts. This chat felt just like talking with a friend, without any sense of disconnect.
Previously I also tried using speech-to-text then getting ChatGPT to organize the content. Since ChatGPT as a generative AI can be unstable in terms of output style, sometimes I’d have to send multiple requests to get it to organize the text well, which felt repetitive and redundant. But if I don't do this, the results also don’t seem to match what I want.
So this time for organizing my speech-to-text, I customized a GPT. This is a new feature released in November by ChatGPT’s parent company OpenAI – any ChatGPT paying user can now customize their own GPTs using natural language to let it specialize in specific tasks, or also use others’ GPTs.
Customizing was very simple and only took me a few minutes. I just needed to describe in natural language what I need this GPT to do. My requirements for it were: Skilled at polishing text while preserving original meaning. Mainly helping to correct grammar mistakes, adjust wording, and rearrange sentences to make the article read more smoothly. Its goal is to make the text less convoluted and more natural and down-to-earth to read, not too bookish. It should only make edits when truly necessary, with the purpose of improving flow and readability while preserving original flavor and style as much as possible.
ChatGPT generated a picture and name “Lingua Scribe” based on my description, which I adopted.
Overall I feel it's simple and convenient to use. I just need to paste my text in and wait for output. However, it doesn't follow my intentions 100% perfectly:
The default prompts in the screenshot above are in English. When I tried clicking one then pasting Chinese text in, the output became all English. So if you want a language other than English, don't click those default prompts.
A few times, it mistakenly took some of my text as an interactive request and started conversing with me. I had to tell it I simply pasted some text for it to organize.
If you also have speech-to-text that needs tidying up, you can try my Lingua Scribe GPT: https://chat.openai.com/g/g-fxVUIioRW-lingua-scribe . Note that you must be a paying ChatGPT user.